Friday, January 26, 2007

9:26 PM

oh no, it's another of those lethargic spells again. i can feel it. the only thing i want to do is not do anything.

getting pay from tuition tmr XD

but it's going to pay my sch fees. this sem dunno why ~$250 only, heng. last sem was $400+, now have no money le. $250 will be just nice for what i have now + tmr's paycheck. then maybe if i stop eating apple chips and sweet potato chips, i can last until chinese new year, and if i can last until chinese new year's ang baos, i can wait for my next paycheck. this will give me time to look for another kid to tutor, and THEN it'll be hols~!

not good. cannot look forward to hols in 3rd week. bad.

schedule is like this this sem:
mon: 10-6, 2hr break in between
wed: 2hr tutorial like, once a month...
thurs: 10-6, 1hr break + gym
fri: 10-3 (alternate week)

i have a 2 day alternate week! :D this is the reason why the hol mood won't go away. 2/7 days a week at school is... not really school.

what i dread most at the moment:
usc drama production obligations (call up companies and ask them to buy $100 tickets???)
sat training
lunch breaks
tuition
ivle hw for use2203
not doing work

things to look forward to:
subway
monday
10pm every night log in to game
talking to my 2 aunts


i'm meeting ONLINE PEOPLE for the first time! :D the guild in my game is meeting up for cny for kbox. quite excited over it :)

0 collected:

5 cents a hug

Thursday, January 18, 2007

10:49 PM

sad things keep happening recently. my mum told me that the auntie who's always selling tissue paper at the yishun mrt underpass has just passed away. word of mouth was that she was buying something at the ang mo kio hawker centre and just collapsed like that.

i always thought she and her husband were very nice, they smiled a lot. they sell tissue paper together, one of them will stand and hawker while the other rested by the stairs. when i pass by i'll look and them and tell myself that look, this is proof that love can last for a long time, because they were really really old, but yet they took care of each other so well.

then my mum found out that they were actually working so hard to support their 2 granddaughters, who're mentally handicapped. and i'm like god, how do these things happen? how tough can someone's life get? maybe we learn more when the road's not so smooth, but sometimes you really wonder whether it's worth it.

may she rest in peace, and may her loved ones also find peace.

0 collected:

5 cents a hug

Wednesday, January 17, 2007

12:02 AM

ok. i thought i would have to spend excruciating minutes counting down to DeathDayTooZeero, but right after i made the previous post, i swear, this gigantic muckingfisher of a cockroach crawled out from underneath the tv stand and swaggered right across the living floor in broad florescent light.

i spent about 20 seconds arguing with my dad whether to spray it or squash it, but entrailsphobia won out and i sprayed it and it didn't die and i sprayed some more at it and it wriggled a little but still didn't die, and dove under the second tv set. i stayed faithful to my philosophy of no entrails, so i got a full blast spray on it and decided to collect the body tomorrow morning.

then i had to mop the insecticide off the floor and meanwhile my dad fished it out kicking and biting (figuratively) and flushed it. and i realised i missed counting down and that this is probably a very bad omen for the rest of my year.

0 collected:

5 cents a hug

Tuesday, January 16, 2007

11:53 PM

counting down the last few minutes of teenage life... oh this is so incredibly sad :'(

0 collected:

5 cents a hug

6:55 PM

ok, the status is that lectures have started but not tutorials, meaning i still have no half assed idea of what i'm doing for business. i've already had 3 (seminar) lessons for my Singapore Studies module Democratic Possibilities in Singapore (oxymoron HA!) and i feel exceptionally unintelligent this new semester. people are so agressive and unfriendly and smart.

we're supposed to do a 200-300 word response to a question posted on the IVLE every week. from past experience i thought everyone would at most do their own posts and do a token reply, but by the time i logged in to check, the thread was already a mile long. everything i was about to say (which i thought was extremely smart and insightful) had tragically already been said. and i had to talk about our land scarcity instead. cripes.

and we had this debate (on our second lesson) where everyone used words like political discourse and pervasiveness of governmental oppression and all you could do was hope for a break in conversation (ferocious argument) so you could say 'BUT I THINK' and hope they let you speak.

i bring you a short example of a post in the ivle discussion:

Is it inevitable that something in the Straits Times will remain in Singapore's historical discourse? It's a bit too early to tell but I think New Media has a major role to play in democratising discourse in an authoritarian society like ours.

-- a classmate best left unnamed for fear of... defamation?

(i would also like to disclaim ownership of the above quote, for fear of... litigation for plagiarism. )

0 collected:

5 cents a hug

Monday, January 15, 2007

7:09 PM

everytime i try to download a movie it either turns to be in a FOREIGN LANGUAGE, or PORN. i'm SO SICK of this. the first problem is solved by search 'title ENGLISH' (i don't think caps actually make a difference to search results but hopefully the engine will get the hint), but i have problems with the second. after a certain critical number of bad downloads when i type a title i automatically wonder what kind of pornographic interpretation can be applied to it. i was so afraid when i opened my downloaded american pie.

0 collected:

5 cents a hug

Wednesday, January 10, 2007

6:23 PM

we've been taking turns visiting my great-grandma. stayed over twice already. she's in this kind of limbo, getting worse then better again and then worse again. the doctor still says her heart might stop anytime. i still don't know how i feel about that. on her worse days i think it's a good thing, but on her good days i keep hoping that she can go home soon, because i don't want her to go. but if she goes home she'll just come back to the hospital again. she's in a lot of pain, i fed her morphine myself yesterday and felt like i've done something unforgivable.

and seriously my family, extended or not, is fucked up. we heard rumours about my great-uncle's side of the family arguing about how they should split the money if they sell her flat. my third great-uncle, who i believe has never worked a single day in his life, was talking about the ang baos she has kept over the years, money intact and everything.

god, and my mum and grand ma were talking about her funeral by her beside at the hospital. they even asked her whether she wanted to be in her old clothes or she wanted the new ones my grandma bought, and she said very easily that she wanted new clothes, and oh, she wanted her hair cut too. sometimes i don't understand chinese culture and sensitivities.

0 collected:

5 cents a hug

Friday, January 05, 2007

6:30 PM

things change so suddenly. like two weeks ago my great grandma was teaching me how to use the rice cooker and two days ago they said she was going to die anytime. we have to do paperwork on whether to resuscitate her if her heart fails. can you imagine it? paperwork to say whether you'll let your mother/grandmother/greatgrandmother die. everyone's asking everyone else whether they should sign it.

she can't sleep, she's always thirsty but they don't let her drink water, she can't talk properly. i remember last year she was fine, she could walk by herself everywhere, go downstairs chat with her friends, she and my grandad could always yell at each other, and i think it makes her very sad to not be able to do those things anymore. i don't want her to keep waiting to die, but i don't want her to die either.

0 collected:

5 cents a hug

Wednesday, January 03, 2007

1:09 AM

happy new year to everyone!

have been too lazy to blog, i usually only do when i have other things i should be doing but that i'm procrastinating, because that's when blogging is a preferable alternative.

here's my new year resolution: to be more appreciative of friends.

this will involve me replying smses, remembering birthdays, and generally show my love for them more.

this is especially after i received christmas cards from my friends, when the thought of sending cards has never even crossed my mind. heck, christmas hasn't crossed my mind. and also, got a yellow crab from jy during our new year gathering, and i was so touched i thought i'd cry. they're living happily on top of my whitebook now :D will update with pictures.

school's starting, and i've got my first tuition kid. hope payment for school fees will be after feb... meishi you lazy unemployed bum.

Labels: new year

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