we've been taking turns visiting my great-grandma. stayed over twice already. she's in this kind of limbo, getting worse then better again and then worse again. the doctor still says her heart might stop anytime. i still don't know how i feel about that. on her worse days i think it's a good thing, but on her good days i keep hoping that she can go home soon, because i don't want her to go. but if she goes home she'll just come back to the hospital again. she's in a lot of pain, i fed her morphine myself yesterday and felt like i've done something unforgivable.
and seriously my family, extended or not, is fucked up. we heard rumours about my great-uncle's side of the family arguing about how they should split the money if they sell her flat. my third great-uncle, who i believe has never worked a single day in his life, was talking about the ang baos she has kept over the years, money intact and everything.
god, and my mum and grand ma were talking about her funeral by her beside at the hospital. they even asked her whether she wanted to be in her old clothes or she wanted the new ones my grandma bought, and she said very easily that she wanted new clothes, and oh, she wanted her hair cut too. sometimes i don't understand chinese culture and sensitivities.
