i'm tired and pissed off and home is just not a relaxing place. i'm going to be tired and pissed off tomorrow because it'll be a whole day of games, and no matter what i do, i always seem to be wrong.
if i take initiative, then i'm wrong, because i should have followed the plan. if i do nothing, then i'm wrong because i'm being too rigid. "polo is a flexible game."
i really want to continue commiting and go down for trainings next week, but i really just have such a shitload of work to catch up on. caiwang makes it sound so easy. there is no recre team for polo. if you have decided that you want to play, then you owe the team to do your best. if you think you want to do other things, that your career and studies are more important, then you also owe it to the team to end it clearly, and don't drag them back with your absence.
caiwang you can get third class honours with no regrets, but i can't, and i don't plan to. i haven't done my readings for all 5 of my modules, i have one long essay due by end of the month, i have one PR campaign to submit to Hong Kong in two days, i have a response paper to do in two weeks' time, i have 3 tutorials to do in 3 day's time, my new UCV prof who just came back from Middle East doing archeology thinks we're as free as him to go dust dinosaur bones in our spare time and he's assigned us 80 pages of readings to do by 6 sep. in the meanwhile he expects us to post regularly and intelligently on ivle, and do our local AND overseas heritage watch project.
and i can't do all of these because firstly i'm tired as fuck from the competition today, the whole of tomorrow will also be competition, i'll probably reach home at 10pm and drop dead immediately. then monday 6 hours of lecture back to back, followed by tues training, wed feeling tired, thurs training, fri feeling tired, then it's the weekends again, the second week of IVP games.
and my mum's worried cos she says i've lost a lot of weight and i'm losing a lot of hair. and she gets irritated when she talks to me and she doesn't understand why i have to choose to make myself so tired all the time. then i get irritated and i don't feel like coming home. but i can't stay at school, because i sleep like shit at school, which just makes me more tired.
i really don't know how to finish my work when my brains are falling apart and i can't concentrate and i don't feel like doing anything.
