And why have I been offline? I have been recovering from the Great M.A. Fuck-Up and preparing for this business I am about to announce. About Halloween, I am leaving home and hearth to do a six months' publishing internship in New York City.and anyway that's over. here's how the sky looked like from my block when i got home... it's pretty.
And wow, has it been complicated to arrange. Application, phone interview, done and dusted a while ago. But the process of moving to America is madness, y'all. A few vignettes from recent weeks:
SPECIAL PHOTOGRAPHY SHOP:
MAN: Don't move your face! America requires photographs with your face right there!
MAYA: oh.
MAN: Don't smile!
MAYA: Ha ha.
MAN: I'M SERIOUS. AMERICA DOES NOT WANT YOU TO SMILE.
MAYA: oh.
EMBASSY INTERVIEW WITH MOST EVIL OBJECT IN THE WORLD.
MEOW: Why do you think you can do this job better than an American?
MAYA: Well... I was chosen?... Because I was the best... qualified...?
MEOW: Why are you taking a job from an American?
MAYA: Well, I mugged an American and found the job in their handbag, and I thought I kind of looked pretty in it.
MEOW: ...
MAYA: ...
MEOW: How do we know you don't want to move permanently to America?
MAYA: Are you kidding? You people have to pay for college! And your writers get taxed!
MEOW: Why haven't you graduated yet?
MAYA: We have the graduation ceremony in December.
MEOW: Why is that?
MAYA: Because that is how Ireland works.
MEOW: Why is that?
MAYA: Well, it takes a while to get all those goats for our pagan celebrations, you know?
MEOW: ...
MAYA: This interview may go better if you accept the fact I have Trying To Be Funny Tourette's when under stress.
MEOW: Any medical condition should be on your forms.
USIT, AKA PLACE WHICH WAS MEANT TO PROCESS MY APPLICATION:
MAYA: Here are my forms! Please to process. Here is my 100 dollar processing fee!
USIT: Thank you. Please to give us 700 more dollars for, like, processing.
MAYA: Ahahaha. Perhaps you misunderstood me. I want to go to America, not, you know... actually buy it.
